Society Pressures Women to be in a Relationship..

I was reading Debra Cooper’s blog on “Why Women Should Not Get Married”. Her viewpoint and perspective was highly interesting to say the least. Although she paints a disturbingly grim idea of marriage, she makes some strong points worth considering-marriage is not a stroll in the park. However, her tone of disdain concerning men is boldly apparent throughout the entire blog;I found this unsettling. Yet, her overall message hits the stomach with a lot to digest, about women and the pressures for them to be in a relationship or married.

On this point, I have always thought that society has created a drawn-out map for women. The map tells the destination and gives an estimated time of arrival. Everything seems to always be on a time scale: when we start wearing make-up, when we should be in bras, when we should be intimate, when we should be getting married, and when we should be having children.  All of this has everything to do with ‘men’. Our lives are centered on being in a relationship with men.  It is the factor that defines our lives.

In high school, if you are not going to the prom with a date; you are seen as ‘odd’. But if you have a date, you are revered and ingratiated by your peers. This is why young women occasionally develop a complex with their image which can imbue her choices much later in life. She will find herself chasing this elusive idea of a relationship, which should lead to marriage. For instance, the courtship is supposed to be a sign to the scrutinizing public that you are taken; a value mark is placed on your worth. You all of a sudden matter.  At what point are these expectations too demanding? Of course some women do not want a husband, and few women are satisfied with not remarrying, but nothing is more disheartening than a desperate woman-she makes it her daily mission to find a date, or to latch onto a man in order to define her sense of worth; she tolerates much, and indoctrinates an aggressive attitude to defend an otherwise useless man-this is not solely due to society’s pressure, but it exacerbates matters.

Although I do believe in a healthy marriage, I also believe a single woman is no less valuable. However, if a woman feels heavily weighed down by being single, she should ask herself, will a committed relationship or marriage truly make me happy? Women were created to be loved by a man worthy of it only, don’t try and rush to the altar. True love is a journey without time-limitations.

THB

Only You Should Dictate Your Potential

They lived in a one room apartment. Her husband had left her. It was just she and her
daughter, Bette Davis. They were poor. Ruth Davis cleaned houses. She made her
daughter help her. It was a shameful life, moving around from dumpy hotel rooms,
barely scraping by. Yet, Ruth believed her daughter had talent. She believed that Bette
could be an actress, if someone could just train her a little, work with her. She committed her mind to this. She used the money they had to pay for Bette some acting lesson, but one of her instructors told Bette, she would never make it in Hollywood, because she didn’t have what it takes.  On the contrary, Bette Davis became a legend in Hollywood. She is the greatest of the greats, because she persevered when other’s doubted her.

The most difficult thing to accept at times is where we may be at certain points in our lives. But, in order to change this a positive mindset is imperative. Don’t rely on anyone
to take you pass the threshold, and snares of disappointments and failures; most of the time it’s a lonely walk. Nonetheless, walk it out, and talk it out. If someone is in your corner, their support will push you, but if no one is, keep going towards what you have your mind set on achieving. Eventually you will become disconnected with people who are content with idle pleasure; this is the sacrifice most people make when they want to achieve something. But you will meet others with whom you can relate.

Another thing to remember in reaching your goal is envisioning it. When you want a new car, see yourself driving it. When you want a new job, see yourself working hard doing that job, make up your mind, “it’s mine.” Under no circumstances should you leave your hopes and aspirations out on a chopping block for others to whack off pieces of it.  In other words: If they don’t share your enthusiasm-don’t tell them about it! People who don't want anything in life, usually don't give sound advice. So,  get the puzzles of your life together and move towards that purpose, if you don’t hear appraisal-”So What.” Keep moving, keep planning.  You will get it done; you will succeed, no enemy, no family member, or friend should ever dictate your potential.

Take care, and see you in the race.

THB

WHY THERE MUST BE AN ALLEGIANCE TO OUR YOUNG WOMEN..

I think by now, most of you know how I feel about the purpose of ‘The Women’s Academy’. Yet, If you are a newcomer, I would like to be more explicit about the task at hand, and just how essential and important the mission is for this organization.

This is a mission of compassion. It’s about a decree that must be made within yourself that, ‘I will help my sister carry the ball further.’ It’s not debatable that young black women are falling behind in academics, goals and potential. They get in the game already with two strikes (black & female). What would happen if the many of us could

come together and do our part?

Each Advisor asked to come on board for this program has been asked for a reason-some of you have been and are dynamic parents, and each of you represent the few images of success out there.  What if we could unify under one banner, under one cause, under one calling and answer to the voices of our young sisters? We could tell them: “I am here for you.” There’s not one young sister that’s not deserving, not one.

Moreover, there have been times each of us have looked back into our youth and recounted endless plights to even get where we are today-we had to encourage ourselves. This is a daily task, defining who we are. Now, imagine the present statistics of single parent households, limited resources and limited role models. How do these young ladies encourage themselves in the midst of promiscuous internet chat, television broadcast and music videos captivating sexual icons and hip hop vixens?

There has to be a different strategy and we can be a visible light for them. This is a movement, make no mistake about it. Gradually we will make a mark like a torch in the middle of the night. We will answer the cries of our sister, who walks with her head low and her mind heavy. In the end, it’s the greatest reward you could ever give-a chance to be somebody.

Thanks,

THB